Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
