dude i'm inner monologue high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
