Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
