I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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