I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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