Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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