she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
