Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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