Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
