what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
