So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
