i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
