Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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