he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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