she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
