I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
