I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
