Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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