On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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