those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
