Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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