i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So squirting runs in the family.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
