It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
