mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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