Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
