id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
