i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is wine microwaveable?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
