Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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