you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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