At least make sure they are 18
Why
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
