wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
