I want to make a zoo with you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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