I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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