??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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