Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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