Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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