i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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