If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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