thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
