Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
