Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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