when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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