I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
