I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this boner is exhausting
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
