He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
