So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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