ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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