The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
