i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
