hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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