ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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