I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
