Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
should my penis look like a turkey
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
