I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
