You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
