i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
