i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
