I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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