dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
