the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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