let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
