how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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