Whod you bang
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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