yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
