After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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