if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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