also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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