Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish you could order shots online.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
