so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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