broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Randomize
