she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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