i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
