I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
