We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
