I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
