i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
