Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
