i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
