Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
