At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
