omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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