I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
