so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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