Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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