i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
