Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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