why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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