It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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