so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
