he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
